Why do we think we are part of the world if we are working? Why don’t we feel part of the world as stay at home parents? Perhaps it’s because the title says Stay At Home, which is the opposite of Out in the World. Maybe the title needs to be revised? I’ve heard of Domestic Engineer, that’s ok for the nerds and Stay At Home Dads. A friend of mine calls herself the CEO of her house, which is cute til you realize the paycheck stinks. I know, I know, mothers should be content with the love of their families and sloppy baby kisses as sustenance. (Whatever. I love my family and the messy kisses I get from my child, but that doesn’t pay the mortgage or get us into a much needed larger home.)
What’s funny to me is people that are supposedly part of the world, AKA Working, still feel detached from life and the happenings of the world outside their cube. What a wicked world we live in; no matter where we are in it, we never, truly feel part of it. Perhaps this is why I started this blog. I want to know if my thoughts are shared by others.
What are other people doing to stay connected to their world? I have been working my whole adult life and now I am a working mother. I want to know what people feel the pros and cons of their world are. The grass is always greener, they say, but I am skeptical. I’m more in the camp of sticking with the devil I know. There are days when I feel staying at home with my kids is the right thing, but I worry about staying connected to the world and keeping them engaged. I’m pretty addicted to my paycheck as well as my retirement contributions and the thought of losing that and years of experience scares me.
Hey Mom!! First and foremost, I don't know what your belief system is, but find a MOPs near you! MOPs is Moms of Preschoolers and you can join as soon as you have a baby (maybe even as soon as you're pregnant?) I can't tell you how much I've gotten out of my MOPs group - lots of info that you seem to be searching for plus socialization for you and your babies.
ReplyDeleteAs a quick side note, I know excellent working moms. I know excellent stay-at-home moms. I also know stay-at-home moms that SHOULD be working; I truly do NOT believe everyone is made to stay home. You really have to evaluate your relationship with home and discover what's best for you. You'll run into all kind of people - some that swear by staying at home, some that believe in working. It's really up to the Mom and child (and budget, of course.)
My only advice for you is to find balance. It's always a work in progress as life changes. But make sure you JOIN playgroups for baby, make sure you get coffee or lunch with your friends (ex-coworkers need lunch breaks, too!) For JOINing, Facebook helps but doesn't count! Get out of the house! Be sure to maintain a balanced BUDGET, so that you're enjoying staying at home to the fullest. Keep a few extra $ in the back of the account in the case of emergencies, bc they will show up.
Lastly, expect staying at home to be the hardest job you'll ever have. You'll have the stresses of what you think you should do and be getting done and whether or not everyone around you is pleased. You'll feel guilt for reading a blog instead of cleaning the kitchen from last night's bday party. (= You won't ever truly get a day off. You'll be more tired than working out of house all day long. You will rarely get to sit down on the days that you feel most productive; and by the time you think you've got it all down, your kids' schedules change and you have to start all over again. Strive for scheduling, expect constant changes.
However, keep a camera in your pocket at all times. The rewards of staying at home ARE great. From the watching your first-born's smile to crying sending your 2nd (4th or 8th) off on the Kindergarten bus. There is nothing like it.
Good luck on your journey. Keep blogging your thoughts, any crafty outlet helps!
Hello to all!
ReplyDeleteI am following this blog because I find it interesting on parents views of being a working mom vs a stay at home mom. I myself do not have kids yet but my husband and I have been talking about expanding our family. =) We have discussed the pro's and cons of both, working and staying home.
For me, my mother was a stay at home mom, for my husband, his mother was a single parent working mother of 2. So for her, not working was not an option. So I have 2 sides of the spectrum when given advice on how to raise our kids…it’s interesting…But as my husband and I talk about what we plan on doing and getting feedback from , mothers/fathers, friends, siblings , we realize we are not going to get answers from anyone but ourselves. We can take what we hear and take bits and pieces and try to mold it into something that could work for us. What works for some may not work for us.
I can’t not give any advice because that would be like a single person giving a married person advice on marriage. I am interested in reading your thoughts and how you find balance.
happy blogging!
Hi Monika,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting! What an exciting time for you! I remember when we began talking about starting a family and it was fun and scary all at the same time. You are right about no one being able to tell you what the right thing is for you, only you can figure that out. But, one of the things I am trying to do here is learn all the options, so to speak. Not all suggestions are going to work for me, but knowing that something is possible is comforting to me. I may not have thought of that idea and it could be brilliant, so I want to know about it.
I welcome more of your thoughts! I don't care that you don't have kids, you are a married, working woman facing the same issues the rest of are facing. Your situation can change tomorrow, who knows? I would love to hear how you make your life better.
Hope to hear more from you!