Patience Practice

I've been really trying to work on the issues I've shared so far and feel like, slowly, things are getting brighter. Part of me feels like it's because I've created a place to share my thoughts and part of me thinks it's because, in writing about the things that concern me, I am making them more concrete and tangible. For me, having something that's too abstract is scary and makes me feel like I need to run away. Creating the illusion that these concerns are like rocks to chip away at, I feel as though I can see my progress as I chip, chip, chip.

For instance, patience. I've really been working on this with my son and those around me and I can see some positive results. I have noticed that when he goes from zero to meltdown over something seemingly small, I have been able to squat down to his level, ask him if he can calm down in a soothing tone and get him to try to explain what he wants. 9 times out of 10, this has worked! He seems to appreciate that mommy is trying to understand and listen to him and create a solution. The only time this doesn't work is when he's completely maxed out and tired, once he gets to this state nothing but his bed will make anything better. It's been a real relief and I find myself feeling more in control of our attitudes. Everyone (son and husband) seem to be responding well to it.

There are some great by-products with this patience practice! I feel like I am much more reasonable and I'm not just reacting to situations. At daycare my son and another child seem to always be at odds and I've been getting pretty upset about it. From my perspective, it seems like the other little boy, we'll call him Timmy, is kind of a bully. On Monday, I walked in to pick up my son and found him on the ground crying because Timmy had shoved him. On Tuesday, my son was walking towards the door with a cup of cookies in his hand when Timmy ran over and whacked it to the floor. Now, this was only this week, but we have had numerous other incidents with Timmy. It upset me and I started thinking that this needs to end. I don't like that Timmy is so aggressive and mostly toward my son. This makes trying to teach my son that hitting, kicking, biting, etc. is wrong so much harder! I went to the assistant director of the school before we left on Thursday and told her my concerns, she was very receptive. So, I went home and started discussing it with my husband and suggested the possibility of moving him to a different toddler room.

My husband, God bless him, is very even tempered and likes to look at all angles before making a decision. Admittedly, I wasn't thrilled when he wasn't 100%, all for my idea right from the start. He suggested that we shouldn't over-react. Now my alarm bells start ringing: WARNING! WARNING! What is he saying? How can he suggest I am over-reacting??? Especially when this is something that has been going on for months! Well, had I been a little more reasonable at that moment, I would have realized that he wasn't saying I was over-reacting, but that we should avoid it if we can. This realization didn't come til the next day. OF course, in the moment I acted defensively, but I buttoned my lip and kept listening. The rest of the night I processed what he said and felt that he had some valid points. He suggested finding out more about the kids relationship - are they really best-buds and stuff happens because they are always together? Or are they trying to stay away from eachother but can't seem to stop butting heads? I left my conversation with him feeling a little frustrated, but I didn't argue with him, I tried to listen better and I promised I wouldn't do or change anything til I found out more.

THIS IS HUGE FOR ME!! Although at that moment I truly felt I was right and what I wanted was the only solution, I mustered the patience to cool off and think it through.

Everyday I call the daycare to check on my son, today is no different. When the assistant director answered I asked her if she had told the director about our talk and what they thought. She told me that it was an easy fix and if we wanted, we could switch rooms as early as next week. Now, instead of saying GREAT! Let's do it! I proceeded to ask her to find out more, per my husbands suggestion. She was happy to accomodate.

When I went to pick up my son today, I found out some interesting things. He and Timmy like to play together; sometimes my son gets excited and that manifests physically and Timmy then reacts in kind. Sometimes Timmy acts in unpredictable ways toward my son, which makes him nervous, and he reacts in kind. Sometimes it's Timmy, my son and another little boy that like to rough-house a bit and it's not malicious, it's just them being boys. Boys will be boys, but sometimes they get hurt. Ok, I am just going to spit it out....Myhusbandwasright.....BLEH.

I've never wanted to be the kind of person that blindly believes that her child is flawless, but I really thought he was a victim. I'm glad I didn't jump to any rash decisions and found out more. None of the boys are being bad, they are just learning to behave around eachother, and that's not bad. We have decided to wait and see how things progress, I would hate to take away my sons friend because I couldn't be patient enough to listen to what's really going on. I'm really grateful that my husband and our daycare were so open to listening and suggesting solutions. I'm also grateful that my husband didn't dismiss my concerns and chalk it up to pregnancy hormones! That would've pissed me off.

I have a long road ahead of me and I know I'm going to slip up, but I can see the light. It's brighter and I like it.