I’ve often heard that the devil isn’t out in the open. It isn’t obviously and conspicuously wearing a red suit with a pitchfork as an accessory. The devil’s sly and cunning, preying on our inner-most fears and insecurities. The devil needles its way into our personal thoughts creating shadows and doubt in things we normally look at with confidence. It disguises itself as well-meaning advice that we feel we can never live up to and turns our attention from finding viable solutions to beating ourselves up over how terrible we must be because we can’t follow that great advice. It always makes perfect sense and never loses it’s cool. It just waits for the perfect moment to drop the bomb in the most understated way, so as not to cause any serious alarm, just enough to make you feel completely uneasy. You are left with the nagging sensation that you aren’t doing enough or that the decision you made wasn’t right or the feeling of wanting to run and hide because you aren’t sure of anything anymore.
This devil has a name, it’s called Guilt. It’s VERY happy to make your acquaintance. Guilt starts small; I should really clean out the sink before bed…I shouldn’t have let the kids eat all those cookie.
Then it grows; I should have more patience and be able to stop my baby from crying for hours…If I loved them more, the kids would be happier.
Then it gets out of control; If I plan everything, nothing will ever go wrong…I’m a terrible mother for wanting an afternoon to myself…I’m a terrible mother because I wish I could leave the house whenever I hear my baby cry…
We all know Guilt. This devil could be the mom you are comparing yourself to at a mommy group or your mother/mother-in-law making you second guess yourself or all those experts telling us we are doing it wrong. Sometimes it isn’t anyone or anything giving us guilt but ourselves. We expect more of ourselves based on some idea we came up with in the past. We are trying to live up to some ideal and feel we are falling short. The thing is we can change our minds.
POOF! ALACAZAM!! PRESTO!!!
Change your mind.
The only person keeping score is you. I’m too busy keeping my own score and I’m a terrible conductor, the whole orchestra is out of tune!
Why does guilt have to be viewed as a negative? To me, guilt means you care and have a conscience. Guilt equals compassion. Guilt is your body's way of telling you to care. If we didn't have guilt, people could do whatever they wanted without feelings....steal, murder, cheat, abuse their children, ect. To have guilt, means you are human and a caring human being at that. It means you have a good conscience of doing the RIGHT thing. Guilt of having more patience for your child is a good thing. Your body is telling you that you need more patience. No guilt = no conscience. No guilt = being numb to your world. I look as guilt as something that makes me a wonderful person, mom and wife. It's soooooo easy to NOT care (aka no guilt). Guilt is a good thing.
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